Friday, 13 November 2009


In the heated night of daytime,
In the near-off land of Grimp;
There lived a fork called Ladle
And his wife, whose name was Flimp.
They lived downstairs in an attic
In a house made out of bread
With ironing boards for curtains
And a lightbulb flower-bed.
They feasted on raw jam jar toast
And cornflakes made of cheese.
Fed tintacks to the Nubby Mice
That sang up in the trees.
They had a son called Betsy
And a daughter, Alfred, too.
They took them to the library
To feed the kangaroos.
They took them to the circus
To buy their weekly food,
But for an extra special treat
They’d sit at home and brood.
In summer they ate hot beef soup;
In winter, all new born
Were wrapped up tight in icicles
To keep them nice and warm.
Down from the tin-can rain clouds
Came showers of warm tea,
And lovely custard rainbows
Shone cross the sponge-cake sea.
Grimps, closing their umbrellas,
In crowds alone did cry,
Then all ran out into the rain
To keep them nice and dry.
Grimp had a mayor called Mayi -
He’d changed his name just so
When people called “Mayor Mayi …”
He could retort with “No!!”.
Each year they held a Festival
And Coronation Night -
The crowning of Grimp King and Queen
Amidst much pomp and might.
The Grimp throne was heredit’ry
Just as it had been voted
(And counted more than six times, though
Results were never noted)
Grimp long had been the victim of
Some nasty evil Snuggles
Who terrorised the landscape
Giving everybody cuddles.
The Grimps’ idea of heaven was
Both deftly done and quick -
A nifty poke into the eye,
With pointed bendy stick.
But Snuggles they struck fear into
The hearts of everyone
(For being snuggled was the thing
Most Grimps did not like done).
The children laughed in terror,
And the cats walked for their lives;
While bachelors fair panicked
As they rounded up their wives.
Snuggle raids were pretty rare
They happened every week
Before he knew what hit him
Ladle’s chances looked quite bleak.
A soft and evil snuggle had
Caught Ladle in it’s grasp
Though Ladle fought quite bravely
Flimp could tell he would not last.
Most fearful for her husband,
As he fought to disengage,
Flimp cleverly leaned from the book
And turned over the page.
Of course this altered everything.
Folk all seemed quite bemused.
The plot became quite muddled
And the characters confused.
Flimp whispered to her husband
“But they won’t know how it ends!”
So remember … if a Snuggle asks
Just tell it they made friends.


  1. I hope you didn't make any noise typing up this great epistle! It's taken me ages to read all the posts I've missed lately - I've had a great time.

  2. Could Ladle yodel and did Flimp flump ?

  3. I'm not quite sure, but the connotations are somewhere there, as they have two children.

  4. I'm afraid that being the sensible one of the family, that this is far to silly to read. Never has a member of our clan published such nonsense, and we don't intend to start now.
    Give your head a shake, woman, and write something proper, like wot I used to write...before I found the funny mushrooms.

  5. Funny you should say that, Berne, me olde deare, but I haven't been the same since I came to yours for lunch. And you can't tell ME those were tortoise pasties. I definitely detected cheese and water flavoured wibble - and a smidgeon of Toilet Duck a L'Orange - although your Upside-down-Soup was to die for!! Sorry .. I forgot about the vicar for a moment. When IS the funeral?

  6. 'Oh dearie, dearie me', (Wrings hands and sobs in despair) 'they're all barmy - where did I go wrong'!

  7. You probably went round to Mad Aunt Bernard's for lunch!!

  8. Dear Weev, I enjoyed this so much that my webbing has been strained beyond its certified limits. Please have the Dagenham Girl Pipers deliver a fresh set first thing in the morning.

  9. Unfortunately, whereas 'Disa' appears to be commenting on this particular post of mine, it was only after I translated it from Chinese to English that I found she/he/it was actually touting their Adult 'Entertainment'. All I can say is that if disa your idea of entertainment, love, you can keep it!! I'll stick to daft poems, thankyou.