Saturday, 1 August 2009


Today I found my dear old self
In fields moist with the dew
Of memories that I had shared
Not long ago with you.

Yes. Yet again, my car broke down
Again I went to Ford
To get the bits to put it right ...
WAKE UP!! You are NOT bored!!!

So 'Fanny No 1' tells me
He doesn't really know
Which part I'm telling him about -
Could I come down and show?!
I would go, if my car would go.
It won't and so I can't
Just you try to explain that
To an overall-wrapped plant.

The problem this time is the fuel -
It isn't getting through.
I've changed the filter and the plugs
With shiny ones and new.
But, every time I pull away,
My poorly little car
Starts jiggling across the road
Dancing the Cha-cha-cha!
It now would seem the air-flow ain't
As pure as it should be.
I'd thought the self same thing last night
(I'd Chilli for my tea).

I've only done two trips this time.
I just could not repeat
My battles of mere weeks ago
With Plankton-Blessed-With-Feet.

This time I called the Manager.
A Leprechaun appeared!
Explained my problems to the man -
T'was better that I'd feared.

He waved his magic little wand
Said "Abera-cadabra!"
On tiny poof was all it took! ...
(And a new Seat Alhambra!).


  1. Which tiny poof is giving away free Seat Alhambras - I want one!

  2. Heather
    What? A tiny little poof
    or do you want an Alhambra

  3. I'm the man from Weights and Measures
    Protecting all your purchased treasures
    If your car won't go and you are bored
    I can help you with your ancient Ford

    If it wont move, speed or zoom
    The only way to make it voom!
    Pour petrol over it then set alight
    Immediately ends your woeful plight

    Travelling no longer will be a feat
    Now you proudly own a Spanish Seat
    You must post again to say how it feels
    and when will you get the...
    Oh! and wheels

  4. I loved this, Thank you! Sadly, as you can see from the photo, I had a bit of an accident. While toasting crumpets over a bunsen burner (this mechanicalising stuff is hungry work), it occurred to me that the fuel tank might be the source of the problem and so I went to take a peek, but forgot to put my crumpet flambe down first.

    To correct your technical data, it sounds more like a WWHOOOOOFFF!!! Ford's insisted that Galaxy's should not be stored in temperatures exceeding 400F, but I was sure it only felt like 300 odd. But, can you see how it cleaned all that excess muck off the windscreen?

  5. You haven't seen my brother have you?
    We haven't heard from in a while
    The last we heard was that he was a windscreen washing jockey up near you
    I warned him about wearing poncy aftershave at work, I think he wears Diesel Aftershave For Men
    He's always mad for crumpet and I am sure would try to kill two birds with one stone, combining work and pleasure as it were
    I sit corrected, your car really is a bit of a dog then

    Spookily the word verification was oven

  6. Whoops! Did he by any chance have a green squeegee about his person? Sorry!

  7. Oh you have seen him
    I don't like him, I just want my squeegee back

  8. You always were a sucker for a nut-nut with a squeegee....if you need anything setting fire to, dear, I am happy to come down and help. I will warn you that you need to place the object well away from anything else as I do tend to get a little excitable with a petrol can. Thought I'd offer, as having no eyebrows at the moment it's an ideal time. x

  9. I thought you looked a tad surprised. How very sweet of you to offer.

  10. By the way ... What HAVE you done with your eyebrows? You haven't sold them on eBay again, have you? Will you NEVER learn?! Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid were NOT Pygmy twins and did NOT sport identical moustaches. I know you made a killing on the last lot, but Trading Standards will catch up with you eventually, then they'll have you by the short and curlies - that is, if you haven't sold them as Arthur Scargill's long lost toupe. In the words of that great man - It'll never get well if you picket!