Sunday, 16 August 2009

Senile Delinquent

When Wrinkles came a-calling
They did look on me and say -

"Did you not get our telegram...

That we were come to stay?"

Then Tooth Fairy came calling

And she said "I came to say,

You won't be needing
these old things ...
I'll tuck them out the way."

When Old Age came a-calling
He did look on me and say -
How long since we first met, my friend? ...

Ten years if 'tis a day!"

When Beauty came a-calling
She did look on me and say -

"Beg pardon - you have company ...

I'd best be on my way."

When Dementia came calling

Oh so sadly he did say -

"I must be getting old - I don't

recall I'd passed this way."

But Death? When
he came calling
He did frown on me and say;

"This one ain't
never ready! ...
What the f...!? Watch out!!


  1. Ah! when dementia came a calling
    That reminds
    You see it all started when...
    Or did it
    Yes! yes! that's right it...
    This is soooo! funny , you see it was like this...
    Actually no
    But you get the idea
    Laugh! ha I thought I'd never start
    Perhaps I should talk about beauty instead
    It's a lovely spot innit?
    Just ask my psychiatrist

  2. I know just what you mean! Ah, the warm, cosy, all-encompassing embrace of the straight jacket!

  3. I shan't answer the door, so they'll never get me!!

  4. H
    My God
    A talking door
    You're worth a fortune

  5. Another classic poem from wordsmith weevil, could this be the poetry equivalent of Joyce's 'Portrait of the arsonist as a young man?'

  6. When Warts and Chin Hair visited -
    I let them in for tea.
    But, Incontinece then gatecrashed
    And now I smell of wee.

  7. This is all so funny .although a tad serious.

  8. TFE: No, I don't believe I detect any Joyce in this piece - just the usual tasteless (due to its semi-autobigraphical nature) Weevil trump!

    MAB: You notice that I had NOT mentioned my warts OR chin hair. Thank you so very much. Now people will think that I actually do look as bad as the old bat in the bathroom mirror.

    Mr Watcher: It's lovely to see you and thank you for looking in and leaving a comment. If you've had a look through any of my older stuff, you'll see that most of it is (as was intended) completely daft, irreverent and mad-cap. However, every now and then, little things creep into the entrails of my warped mind. Serves me right for leaving the cat-flap open!

  9. I keep checking every day to make sure I haven't got hairs growing out of my ears ...

  10. I thought all giraffes had lovely soft hairy ears Raph - don't disappoint me.