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Regrettably, or so it seems,
That last part happened in my dreams.
I must have fallen fast asleep,
While up the queue I slowly creep.
This morning, opening my eyes,
I found an unwelcome surprise.
For, sitting out there, large as life,
Remains the source of all my strife.
No nice new Seat do I see,
But knackered old Ford Galaxy.
No nice new car to greet this morn -
God rot that bloody Leprechaun!!
And so I s'pose I'll have to go
Back down to Ford's again, just so
I can collect the bits I need
To undertake the dreaded deed.
I'm sure that it's not all that bad ...
Simple solution must be had
If only I could once more try ...
Well ... I can always dream ... Can't I?
Today I found my dear old self
In fields moist with the dew
Of memories that I had shared
Not long ago with you.
Yes. Yet again, my car broke down
Again I went to Ford
To get the bits to put it right ...
WAKE UP!! You are NOT bored!!!
So 'Fanny No 1' tells me
He doesn't really know
Which part I'm telling him about -
Could I come down and show?!
I would go, if my car would go.
It won't and so I can't
Just you try to explain that
To an overall-wrapped plant.
The problem this time is the fuel -
It isn't getting through.
I've changed the filter and the plugs
With shiny ones and new.
But, every time I pull away,
My poorly little car
Starts jiggling across the road
Dancing the Cha-cha-cha!
It now would seem the air-flow ain't
As pure as it should be.
I'd thought the self same thing last night
(I'd Chilli for my tea).
I've only done two trips this time.
I just could not repeat
My battles of mere weeks ago
With Plankton-Blessed-With-Feet.
This time I called the Manager.
A Leprechaun appeared!
Explained my problems to the man -
T'was better that I'd feared.
He waved his magic little wand
Said "Abera-cadabra!"
On tiny poof was all it took! ...
(And a new Seat Alhambra!).
I dedicate this lengthy blog
To the Fanny-heads at FORD
You know, the ones who made the car
That I had once adored.
My car just had it's MOT
It passed - Who'd ask for more?
But then it split a water hose
And wee'd all over the floor!
Now anyone with any sense
Would shout (you might suppose)
"Just stop your belly-aching, Wench
And get another hose!"
But "Noooo!! You can't do that, my dear",
The trolls at Ford they cried.
"You cannot get another, 'cos
They've all been MODIFIED!"
"You cannot buy the bit you want.
Don't make 'em any more.
You have to buy this NEWER bit -
It's better than before"
"This one's got 'alf yer engine in -
All globuled into one!
And when you go to fix it - WELL!
It's MUCH more bloomin' fun!"
"Cos when you fixes this yer bit,
You'll very likely see
It won't fit ANY other bits
That you have currently!"
"Instead of just two little clips
And then you're done 'n' bored -
You've now got 3 weeks work to do
An' yer engine's FULLY RESTORED!!"
But the newer bits have newer bolts
And screws - Oh, No! - Can't mix it!
You've got to buy the NEWER TOOLS
Just so that you can fix it!
The real shitter of this is
The Ford twat didn't say
A word about this 'til the THIRD
WRONG part was on it's way!
THREE TIMES I've trundled up and down
To fix my bloody car
With more little bags of more little bits
And an organ pickled in a jar (well, perhaps not that bit)
Tomorrow I will try again.
Again I won't succeed.
'Cos the latest bit is slightly shy
Or doesn't want to breed.
Or it doesn't like the other bits
'Cos one called it a 'twit'.
Or a multitude of reasons
For the bugger not to fit.
But, evermore the optimist -
I'll never brood or boil -
I'll cut the sodding roof right off
And fill it full of soil.
I'll plant the bastard full of bulbs -
Daffs, crocuses, whatever! -
VOILA!! - We'll have the most expensive
PLANT POT HOLDER - EVER!!!
