Thursday, 4 February 2010

NEWS FLASH

A recent Government sponsored report has revealed that cheap alcohol has been responsible for the deaths of over 4,000 football hooligans, teenage delinquents and 'chavs' in the last year alone. In light of these appalling figures, a key spokesperson for Tesco Stores told journalists that Britain's major retailers remained united in their determination to improve this 'disappointing' performance, but that 'Every Little Helps'".
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8 comments:

  1. Kat Mortensen4 February 2010 at 14:46

    Is it "Every Little BIT Helps"? Funny stuff.

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  2. Totalfeckineejit5 February 2010 at 01:42

    Every Lidl helps too.

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  3. The Lesser Weevil5 February 2010 at 12:24

    Yes, but it was Sainsbury's 'Try something different today' that swung it for me. Their Molotov WKD Punch recipe was a blinder. Literally.

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  4. Heather6 February 2010 at 12:18

    Ho! Ho! Ho! Cheers!!

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  5. Will20 February 2010 at 04:34

    I think the manufacturers ought to be forced to change the formula so that it's every bit as lethal but makes them go quietly. My granny drank a bottle of Jockstrap Rum a day and died when she was 93 but didn't stop talking until she was 99. Cost us a fortune in air fresheners, but can you get the council to do anything about it? I blame the Freemasons.

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  6. The Lesser Weevil22 February 2010 at 15:05

    Will, you are the reason I continue writing. Your comments are always better than my original posts! I don't know where you get your material from, but why can't I get someone like you as a next-door neighbour. Instead, I get Trull.

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  7. Will1 March 2010 at 17:51

    As usual, you're far too kind to an old, unhinged man. I envy Trull.

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  8. The Lesser Weevil11 March 2010 at 16:03

    You wouldn't. She's married - and he's worse! - and her children are the very spawn of Beelzebub himself (they're not actually, they're rather sweet, BUT THEY MIGHT BE - ONE DAY!).

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