A recent Government sponsored report has revealed that cheap alcohol has been responsible for the deaths of over 4,000 football hooligans, teenage delinquents and 'chavs' in the last year alone. In light of these appalling figures, a key spokesperson for Tesco Stores told journalists that Britain's major retailers remained united in their determination to improve this 'disappointing' performance, but that 'Every Little Helps'".
Sad, ditsy old fart. Completely Barmy - Yes, I am dumber than a box of dandruff; my belt doesn't go through all the loops; the cheese slid off my cracker; the wheel is spinning but the Hamster's dead. I am living proof that evolution CAN work backwards. AND I have multiplied (Mwahahaha!) - 3 children, 3 grand-children, Pickled bunion, moustache, and a pickled egg (no - sorry - I ate that one - s'pose I'll have to lay another now).
For further details, please fax me, but don't forget to affix a stamp.
Was female last time I looked (but it wasn't nice, so I looked away again).
I won! I won! I won! I won! ... And I'm not even posh! Thanks to the Trebollocks Literary Council who made this award for my services to education in the subject of dickie car-dealers and public health officials.
FABULOUS BLOG AWARD
Thanks to Professor A.B. Yaffle Esq. who recognised my undoubted achievements not as a poet of any wit, but for the widely known fact that I am a fully fledged nutter.
Freakin Fabulous Blog Award
With many thanks to Clare (aka Daisy Darling) for not noticing that my shirt isn't always tucked in