Thursday, 31 December 2009


Today I wish to hijack my blog to wish my mate Will Hames a very happy 60th birthday. His barmy poems have kept us all amused for many hours and his sense of fun and silliness has spread a little sunshine over some fairly gloomy times. I only hope that now he has his bus pass, he can find the time to write some more - if you haven't seen his blog, then shame on you - you should have; so click the link on mine and enjoy!

So, Many Happy Returns, Will - and many, many more to come.

Oh .... and a Happy New Year to you also!

Thursday, 24 December 2009


I just wanted to wish everybody out there in blog-land a very

Happy Christmas!!

May your sprockets be sprinkled with Santa's Magic Dust and may your doobreys be daubled with holly - and if Holly won't join in the fun, I know a girl who will (I'll be happy to arrange an appointment on a commission basis)

Wednesday, 23 December 2009


Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Couldn't even pull a nag
'Cos he forgot his condoms -
Left 'em all in Santa's bag.
All of the other reindeers
Laughed and jeered at his mishap
'Cos after last year's party
Rudie'd ended up with clap.
Then one frosty Christmas Eve
Santa came to say
"Rudolph, with your 'appetite',
You're off to the Vets' tonight".
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Snorted loud and angrily
And in a flash of hoof prints
Kicked Santa into New Year's Eve.

Here's hoping you all have a very Happy Christmas and a disgracefully prosperous New Year.

Monday, 21 December 2009


Sung to the tune of "Good King Wencelas"

Arnold Wencelas looked out

For his best mate Steven
On their yearly drinking bout
When the odds were even

Brightly shone the scotch that night
Though the cost was cruel
Spent the rent and housekeeping
Now they’ve got no fu-u-el.

Christmas trees and fairy lights
Spent all Daddy's bonus
Everything on tabs and cards
Credit with no onus
Mobiles phones, designer clothes,

There is no tomorrow

More food than a would ever keep

Africa from so-o-rrow.

Kids are good at keeping warm
And self-entertaining
Now there’s no food left to eat
What’s the use complaining?
Had to have the latest games
And an iPod Nano
They can always burn their beds

And poor Nan’s Pia-a-no.

Social Services arrived
Took away the babies
Neighbours look the other way
Like they all have rabies
Bailiffs joined the happy throng
Took away the cooker
TV and the DVD
Now thier Mum's a hoo-oo-ker.

Why do some folk feel the need
For all these excesses?
Do they actually think

That this shit impresses?

Christmas is the time of now
Future ain’t yet he-re
Burn the bills to keep them warm
There’ll be more next ye-e-ear!